Taking Stock Read Online Free

co-worker says, “is to put these cans on this shelf, and to remain sane despite incessant customer bitching.”
    The man’s face is turning red, and so, I think, is mine. “What’s your name, you little brat?”
    “Can you read?” He points to his nametag, which reads “Ernest.”
    “Okay, Ernest. You’ll regret your treatment of me. I’ll be having a chat with your manager, and you’ll be out a job if I have anything to say about it.”
    “Go right ahead.” Ernest takes something from his pocket. “Here’s his business card.” Ernest flicks it. The card spins through the air and hits the man in the chest. He flinches. “Say hi to him for me,” Ernest says.
    The man picks the card off the floor, glowers at Ernest, and storms out of Aisle Two.
    “Um,” I say.
    “What an asshole,” Ernest says. He nods at the yellow shirt I’m holding. “So, you’re the new Grocery boy?”
    “Yeah.”
    “Wow. They’re getting quick.”
    “Sorry?”
    “I said they’re getting quick. They just sacked John two hours ago, and now they’ve hired his replacement already.”
    I wonder what John had to do to get fired.
    “Frank said to find a stock boy to show me around,” I say. “He said there’s a video I should watch?”
    “What’s your name?”
    “Sheldon.”
    “I’m Gilbert.”
    “I thought your name was Ernest.”
    “What gave you that idea?”
    “Your nametag says Ernest.”
    “That’s because this is Ernest’s nametag.”
    He turns and starts walking toward the rear of the store. He pauses, and glances back at me. “Were you recently a patient in a psychiatric ward?”
    I struggle to keep my shock from registering on my face. “No. Why do you ask?”
    “You’re wearing Velcro sneakers.”
     
    *
     
    When Sam brought me the Velcro shoes, I asked him how he got to the hospital. He doesn’t have a car—at least, I’ve never seen one in the driveway.
    It turns out he walked.
    “Why did you walk an hour to visit someone you don’t know? Why’d you buy me this stuff? I was going to kill myself in your shed.”
    “Our shed.”
    “Why are you doing this? I can’t repay you.”
    “You will repay me. For the book, the sneakers, and the ambulance ride. But don’t worry—I can wait till you find a job, and my interest rates aren’t that high.”
    My debt mounted quickly. Sam was feeding my cat, and he said in a couple days, rent day, he intended to pay it for me. He’d tell the landlord I was out of town, which was technically true. The hospital’s in the city—we live in the next town.
    It’s occurred to me a couple times that maybe I should find it weird that Sam is helping me so much.
     
    *
     
    The girl in the video wears a t-shirt with Spend Easy written across it, but it’s bright blue instead of yellow. She’s walking past shelves filled with canned goods, and she speaks with the kind of enthusiastic condescension you can only get away with in safety videos.
    “Hey there! My name is Sandy. I’m a Grocery worker, just like you! My experience with the Spend Easy chain of supermarkets has been both enjoyable and rewarding, and I just know you’ll feel the same. But don’t get carried away! Every job has its potential safety hazards, and Grocery is no different. The last thing we want is for you to end up with a fractured skull!”
    The scene switches to a warehouse, where a tall, gangly guy is reaching up to place a cardboard box on a shelf.
    Enter Sandy. “This is my co-worker, Stan. Say hi, Stan!”
    “Hi, there.”
    “Stan is about to help me demonstrate an important safety rule.”
    Stan scratches his head. “I am? What rule is that, Sandy?”
    The camera zooms in on the box Stan just put on the shelf, which tips forward, dumps three packages of macaroni noodles on his head, and settles back onto the shelf.
    “You’re never supposed to place product above eye level, Stan!” Sandy says, and skips away, leaving Stan rubbing his head.
    Next, Sandy’s in a parking lot,