Twisted Sisters Read Online Free

one’s having threesomes in hot tubs on
     this show. Of course, he won’t catch hepatitis C on this particular job, so I guess
     that’s the trade-off.
    Whoa, I just had a brainstorm! Seven strangers and one shrink (read: PsyD) picked
     to live in a loft and have their lives taped to find out what happens when people
     stop being polite . . . and start getting therapy! I make a mental note to run this
     idea past Wendy later.
    I would kill it in my own spin-off.
    Kill. It.
    I notice Dina blinking at me again and it’s on me to pick up the conversational thread.
     “So I understand what you’re communicating. Do you mean you want to insert yourself
biblically
?” I query. Funny, but on the spectrum between heterosexuality and homosexuality,
     I’d have placed her firmly on the Team Nope, Not Once, Not Even at Camp That Summer
     end of the continuum.
    Dina’s immediately flustered. “God, no, I’m not attracted to her, nothing like that.
     Alls I’m saying is I wish I could trade places with her for a day. You know, ride
     around in her head or something. Or swap bodies to see how Lorenzo reacts to me as
     her. Like in the movie
Freaky Friday
.”
    Unfortunately—or not—I spent most of Lindsay Lohan’s career in Drescher Library and
     I’m largely unfamiliar with her oeuvre. Although, frankly, I’d welcome the opportunity
     to sit that child down with the DSM-IV. So troubled. Her neuroses are buying someone
     a beach house—I guarantee that. And if I could get my hands on Charlie Sheen? Hello,
     early retirement!
    “Are you referring to astral projection?” I ask. Dina blinks three times in rapid
     succession and the entire crew seems confused, so I’m obligated to explain the concept.
     “Astral projection is a kind of out-of-body experience. Your mind separates from your
     physical body and your consciousness is able to travel outside of your corporeal self.”
    “Yes! Like, body swapping and stuff! That! I want to do that.”
    I give Dina a wry smile. “I’m afraid that’s a little outside of my area of expertise.”
    Also?
    The concept of astral projection is utter and complete horseshit, but I dare not say
     this out loud at work. Wendy Winsberg has a huge mystical/spiritual bent, so much
     so that last season she hired a ridiculous new age healer named Deva for the show.
     I avoid her whenever possible. I guarantee whatever ails my patients can’t be cured
     with some gewgaw or artifact from Deva’s oddball little boutique, even if it is across
     the street from Prada.
    But, if it were possible to astral project, particularly if I were to be able to swap
     bodies and not just rattle around a different dimension, I know exactly where I’d
     go. I’d head straight for Geri’s meatball-shaped vessel because I’m desperate to understand
     why everyone falls all over her. She’s not particularly smart or terribly driven or
     even that cute, yet you’d think she hung the moon. There’s a reason she has a Svengali-like
     hold on the rest of the world, and I’d make it my job to discover what it is.
    I’d also prove she’s not allergic to nuts. (That was
my
ham sandwich, damn it!)
    I stand and gesture toward the walking path, largely because it’s the golden hour,
     which is the most flattering lighting of the day. I make sure I’m on the left side
     for maximum sunset benefit.
    “Dina, why don’t we address the issues within our locus of control before branching
     into metaphysics?” She quickly falls into step next to me, the crew clattering along
     in front of us. When we’re on the move, they have to walk backward in order to film
     our faces.
    Here we go, money shot! Clear a space on the mantel, Ma!
    “Dina, take out your phone.”
    She blanches beneath all her bronzer and blush. “No, Dr. R, please. Not that.”
    “It’s time,” I say in my most authoritative voice. The primary cameraman circles behind
     us and pans in over Dina’s shoulder. “Strong, Dina. You can do