that you couldnât handle the rejection and so you killed her.â
He shook his head, as if the theory was so ludicrous as not to warrant even a response. It came off arrogant, and I made a mental note that heâd have to work on that expression if he was ever before a jury.
âSo whatâs the story there?â I asked.
We stared at each other for a good thirty seconds. It was obvious we were taking each otherâs measure.
He blinked first.
âI saw my baby girl over Thanksgiving. I was never gonna go to Roxanneâs mamaâs house.â
âBaby girl?â I said.
âYeah.â
âAnother girlfriend?â
He laughed, a real from-the-belly laugh. âYou think Iâm talkinâ a whole different language, donâtcha? No, man. Baby girl. She a real baby. My daughter, Brianna. Sheâs five.â
This took me by surprise. Nina hadnât mentioned that part.
L.D. was showing me his broadest smile yet, framed by two perfect dimples. I recognized it all too well as a fatherâs smile. There was nodoubt in my mind he was telling me the truth, at least about this. He had a five-year-old daughter.
âYou got any kids?â he asked.
Itâs a question that I still donât know how to answer. Technically, I suppose, the answer is no, but that would suggest that Iâve never experienced fatherhood. Sometimes I give a fuller explanationâ I had a daughter, but she died âbut in situations where I donât want to discuss it, I go with one of the two shorter options, both of which seem equally true and untrue: yes or no.
This time I said, âYes.â
âHow old?â
âSix,â I said, which would be the answer Iâd give for the rest of my life. And then I added, âA girl.â
âGood,â he said. âThen you know why I gotta get outta here. Think about it foâ a second. Howâd you feel if you gonna be separated from your little girl foâ the rest of your life foâ somethinâ you didnât do?â
I didnât answer, but instead looked over to Nina. From the sadness in her eyes, I knew she understood what weâd been discussing.
4
O n the subway back from Rikers, I shared with Nina Legally Deadâs portion of the conversation. I did it without invoking his name or saying anything that would reveal privileged information about the worldâs most notorious murder suspect to the other riders on the train. Itâs something lawyers become quite adept atâspeaking in pronouns and euphemisms, so someone eavesdropping has no idea whatâs being discussed.
The first thing I raised with her was the money.
âHe doesnât have a pot to piss in. Apparently, his employer never paid him. Are you still up for doing this pro bono?â
The disclosure didnât seem to surprise her.
âIt wonât be pro bono, Dan. Heâll have money. He just doesnât have it right now. I hate to say it, but heâs going to earn millions from . . .â She looked around the train. âOn that one thing alone.â
She meant the âA-Rodâ song.
âBlood money,â I said.
She shrugged. âNot if heâs innocent.â
It was ironic, albeit in a tragic way, but I didnât care about the fee because I was living off my own blood money. At Sarahâs insistence, when Alexa was born, we took out a large life insurance policy on both our lives. It made sense to insure me that way because we depended on my income, but going back to work wasnât in Sarahâs short-term plans, and in any event, magazine writers just didnât pull in the kind of money that mattered to maintain our lifestyle. But Sarah insisted that the policies be of equal amount, and mademe promise that if anything ever happened to her, Iâd leave Taylor Beckett and take a job that permitted me to spend more time with Alexa. âI want you to be the