fade this pain. It shouldn’t though as I don’t deserve this family that I have, that’s why she took him away from me, to protect him, not from my world but from me. That’s what it’s really about; I don’t think she could ever look at this place the same again.
I walk away leaving another piece of my heart behind again.
I arrive back at my home in Surrey; I have a tiny little house in the town. I don’t need anything half as big as Damien has. I used to spend most of my nights in one of his guest rooms but since Camilla left me I can’t seem to bring myself to stay the night. It’s not that I can’t, I know that I am welcome to stay but hearing little Anya crying makes me fill to the brim with tears and I have a hard enough time controlling it during the day when I am around Damien. Opening the door to the house it’s nothing special; a small three bedroom house with a little back garden, room enough for kids to play and that sets me off even more. She doesn’t know I bought this house. The sale went through the day the twins were born, but with everything that happened afterwards I couldn’t bring myself to tell her I bought us a house, a place where she could enjoy the country and some peace from the city life.
I walk upstairs totally by-passing the living room and kitchen. I have never even slept in the master bedroom; the cellophane is still on the mattress of the bed I bought for us. I walk straight into the nursery and close the blind on the window, looking around at the pale blue walls with the little cars on the border around the room, and the all white nursery furniture I bought for Charlie. The cot bed that sits against the far wall and the little changing table and wardrobe filled to the brim with little outfits for him. I know he won’t see it but I just want to be prepared in case she ever turns up at my door.
I look to the little side table next to the rocking chair and I see the picture of my family; my beautiful wife holding our two boys, it was the only time I felt pure happiness and my heart full of love. Then to have it all ripped away, I suppose that’s the price you pay when your sins come back to haunt you. I pull the picture off the table and sit in the rocking chair holding it close to my heart. I let the silent tears fall as I drift away into happier memories of Camilla and me.
The loud banging on my door startles me awake and I nearly drop the picture, I stand up placing it back on the table and make my way downstairs to answer the door. Opening the door, I see my father stood on the doorstep looking mighty pissed off. Anton Petrov has always been with Damien’s family, he went to look after Lily, Damien’s mum, but he came back to work for Damien after all the trouble we had with Faith. He is a presence that’s for sure; you know not to mess with him. His reputation follows him like a shadow and if he is coming for you then you are finished, but I don’t relate to that side so much, after all he is my father, has always loved me in his own way and provided everything I needed.
“Why are you not at the house, Malcolm?” he asks me, his Russian accent is starting to fade slightly the longer he stays over here.
I pull my phone from out of my pocket and check the time. Shit, it’s already eight am; the plane leaves in two hours. Good job I have my bag already packed in the living room so that I could be ready to go.
“Shit, sorry, I slept in. Come on then let’s go,” I tell him waiting for him to walk back down the path towards the black SUV that is idling at the curb, but he makes no attempt to move so this means he has more to say to me. That is just fucking great, as if I don’t feel shit enough hiding the fact that his only son is married and he has a grandchild.
“You know, Son, we need to talk, this behaviour is not you.” I just look at him when he speaks, after all I was brought up to have manners, most of the time.
“What is there to talk about? So