Officer Spence Makes No Sense Read Online Free Page A

there.
    “WOW!” we said, which is “MOM” upside down.
    “Help! Help! Let us out!” The teachers were yelling and rattling their cages. “Officer Spence is crazy!”
    “You have the right to remain silent!” Officer Spence yelled at them. “So shut up!”
    I had to admit, the whole thing was pretty cool. It was a lot like going to thezoo, except there were teachers in the cages instead of monkeys, bears, and baboons. It was a real Kodak moment. You should have been there!

    “There aren’t any more grown-ups for Officer Spence to arrest,” Ryan whispered.“What’s he gonna do now?”
    “Beats me,” I said.
    Officer Spence climbed up on the stage and grabbed the microphone.
    “Okay, I have looked over all the evidence,” he announced. “I examined fingerprints. I looked at hair samplesunder a microscope. I got the results of the DNA tests. And now I know the truth. I know who the guilty party is. The peanut butter and jelly bandit is…”
    I leaned forward in my seat. We all leaned forward in our seats. It was really suspenseful! Everybody got quiet. You could hear a pin drop. But not one of those little pins you use for sewing clothes. Those pins don’t make any noise when you drop them. I tried that once, and I couldn’t hear it at all. I mean like a bowling pin. Because they make a lot of noise when they drop.
    Bowling is fun. I got a 109 once. I’m going bowling on Saturday because I got invited to Neil the nude kid’s birthdayparty. They’re going to put up bumpers so we can’t throw any gutter balls.
    But that doesn’t have anything to do with all the suspense that was in the all-purpose room.
    “The peanut butter and jelly bandit is…”
    Officer Spence didn’t have the chance to finish his sentence. Because at that moment, the most amazing thing in the history of the world happened.
    But I’m not going to tell you what it was.
    Okay, okay, I’ll tell you. But you have to read the next chapter to find out. So nah-nah-nah boo-boo on you!

11
Skippy and Jif Save the Day
    Officer Spence was about to name the peanut butter and jelly bandit when we heard this loud grinding noise. It sounded like it was coming from under the stage.
    Then there was a banging noise. BANG! BANG! BANG!
    And then, right next to Officer Spence,this thing popped up from under the stage! It was tan-colored, and it looked like a balloon or a beach ball or something.
    “A tan-colored beach ball is coming through the floor!” I hollered.
    “No, I think it’s a giant sea serpent!” yelled Ryan.
    “It looks like an enormous lightbulb!” shouted Michael.
    “Run for your lives!” screamed Neil the nude kid.
    But then we all realized that the thing that was coming up through the floor wasn’t a balloon or a beach ball or a giant sea serpent or an enormous lightbulb. You’ll never believe in a million hundredyears what it was.
    It was Mr. Klutz’s shiny bald head!
    Our principal, Mr. Klutz, climbed out from under the stage. He was wearing a prison uniform.
    “Hooray for Mr. Klutz!” all the teachers shouted.
    Coming up right behind Mr. Klutz was our vice principal, Mrs. Jafee! She was wearing a prison uniform, too, and she had two dogs with her.

    “We thought you were in jail!” shouted Michael.
    “We were in jail, you betcha,” Mrs. Jafee said. “We tunneled out using our yogurt spoons.”
    “I’m starved,” said Mr. Klutz. “Does anybody have any yogurt?”
    Officer Spence looked really mad. He wheeled around and pointed his finger at Mr. Klutz and Mrs. Jafee like it was a gun.
    “Freeze, dirtbags!” he yelled. “You’re under arrest…again! In fact, you’re all under arrest!”
    “ All of us?” asked Andrea.
    “That’s right,” Officer Spence said. “Kidstoo. The whole school. Everybody’s under arrest! You’re all going to jail. Hands up!”
    Four hundred kids put our hands in the air. Mrs. Jafee’s dogs started nosing around the stage like they were trying to smell