Raising an Emotionally Intelligent Child Read Online Free

all family arguments will cease, that there will be no more harsh words, no more bruised feelings, no more sadness or stress. Conflict is a fact of family life. Still, once you start using Emotion Coaching, you will probably feel yourself growing closer to your children. And when your familyshares a deeper intimacy and respect, problems between family members will seem lighter to bear.
    And finally, Emotion Coaching does not mean an end to discipline. Indeed, when you and your children are emotionally close, you are even more invested in their lives and can therefore assert a stronger influence. You’re in a position to be tough when toughness is called for. When you see your children making mistakes or slacking off, you call them on it. You’re not afraid to set limits. You’re not afraid to tell them when they’ve disappointed you, when you know they can do better. And because you have an emotional bond with your children, your words matter. They care about what you think and they don’t want to displease you. In this way, Emotion Coaching may help you guide and motivate your kids.
    Emotion Coaching requires a significant amount of commitment and patience, but the job is essentially the same as that of any other coach. If you want to see your kid excel at baseball, you don’t avoid the game; you get out in the yard and start working with him. Likewise, if you want to see your child handle feelings, cope with stress, and develop healthy relationships, you don’t shut down or ignore expressions of negative emotion; you engage with your child and offer guidance.
    While grandparents, teachers, and other adults can serve as Emotion Coaches in a child’s life, as a parent, you’re in the best spot for the job. After all, you’re the one who knows what rules you want your child to play by. And you’re the one who’s going to be there when life gets tough. Whether the challenge is infant colic, potty training, sibling warfare, or broken prom dates, your child looks to you for signals. So you might as well put on the coach’s cap and help your child win the game.
    H OW C OACHING C AN R EDUCE Y OUR C HILD’S R ISKS
    T HERE’S LITTLE DOUBT that parents today face challenges those of previous generations did not. While parents in the 1960s may have fretted about alcohol on graduation night, today’s parents worry daily about cocaine sales at middle school. Yesterday’s parents worriedthat their teenage daughters might turn up pregnant; today’s parents are teaching their fifth-graders about AIDS. A generation ago, turf battles between rival youth gangs erupted only in tough, urban areas and ended with fistfights or an occasional stabbing. Today, youth gangs spring up even in middle-class neighborhoods. And with the proliferation of the drug trade and firearms, gang fights often end in fatal shoot-outs.
    Violent crimes against young people have been rising at an alarming rate. Between 1985 and 1990 , homicide rates among fifteen- to nineteen-year-old youths rose 130 percent in nonwhite males, 75 percent in white males, and 30 percent in females of all races. At the same time, young American males have been committing more violent crimes at younger ages than ever before. From 1965 to 1991 , the juvenile arrest rate for violent crime more than tripled. Between 1982 and 1991, the number of juveniles arrested for murder increased 93 percent, and for aggravated assault, 72 percent.
    Parents have to do more today than provide kids with basic nurturing, a good education, and a strong moral ethic. Today’s families must also concern themselves with some of the most basic survival issues. How can we immunize our children from an epidemic of violence that is infesting youth culture in our country? How can we persuade them to postpone sexual activity until they are mature enough to make responsible, safe choices? How can we infuse them with enough self-regard that they steer clear of drug and alcohol abuse?
    Over the years,