Valentine's Day Sucks Read Online Free Page A

disastrous attempt at fulfilling wishes and poor Eros’ forced compliance in said wishes.
      “Maybe you were,” slurred Flet. He sat on the edge of a shot glass, dipping his hand into the bourbon. “But she wasn’t.”
    Arthur frowned. He turned and took Mom’s hands in his. “You’re not sure about us? Even after last night?”
    “Last night?” I asked. “What happened last night?”
    “None of your business, young lady,” said Mom.
    “I’ve already seen Artie’s penis,” I said. “So it’s okay to admit you two had sex.”
    Mom’s jaw went slack. “We didn’t actually … do it.”
    “We’re not bound,” said Arthur. “But still, Colleen, your daughter has a point.”
    And I really wanted to say, No, Artie, apparently you had the point, but Patrick put his hand on my leg and squeezed.
    Keep it up, love, and your mother will ground you.
    You mean, stake me. Okay, okay. I’ll be good.
    You’re a darlin’ liar, you are.
    I smiled.
    “I have to admit, Arthur, that I starting thinking about our differences. I’m human, and you’re a vampire. You’ll stay sixty-six forever, and I will just keep getting older.” She brought a hand to her face, a still beautiful face even with its laugh lines and wrinkles. “I know I could try to Turn … but I just don’t know. And how could you want me if we have so little time left together? And what if … if I die … and you’re bound to me … you know that’s not going to be easy.”
    “I don’t care. I cherish every minute with you,” said Arthur. “I didn’t get a choice about Turning, but I understand your dilemma. Just be with me, Colleen. We’ll figure it out.”
    Mom looked torn. I could tell she wanted to leap, to be in love, and to be with a partner. With Arthur, she wouldn’t be alone anymore, and she would have a partner. For however long that may be—whether it was another twenty years or it was forever.
    “Choose love,” I told her. “You should always choose love.”
    Mom smiled at me, her eyes bright with tears. Then she leaned over and gave Arthur a gentle kiss. “Okay,” she said. “I’m yours.”
    “Wish granted!” said Flet, lifting both arms in a motion of triumph. “I rule!” He fell backward, off the shot glass, and splattered on the table. Gold glitter puffed out.
    Then he was still.
    A tiny snore emitted from his tiny nose.
    “He’s passed out,” said Simone. “I think that’s our cue to go home.”
    “Ours, too,” said Patrick.
    We all stood up and said our good-byes. I was the last to hug my mother. She kissed my cheek, and said, “Thank you.”
    “I love you,” I said.
    “Love you, too.”
    Eros was still in his pink suit, but his bow had disappeared. He walked with us as far as the courtyard.
    “It’s been an interesting experience,” he said. “I think I’ve been retired long enough. It’s time to come back to the world of humans, and help them find love.”
    “Lots of people find love,” I said. “Why do you think they need your help?”
    “Because they’re humans,” said Eros. “Stubborn, irrational creatures. Besides, mother’s been so bored lately she would probably leap at the chance to do some matchmaking.”
    “Good luck to you then,” said Patrick, offering his hand. “Let us know if you need help.”
    “And the same goes for you,” said Eros, shaking my husband’s hand. “Jessica. It’s been … enlightening.”
    “Thanks. Um, before you go, I just gotta know—do you pee?”
    Eros laughed. “Oh, yes. Gods and goddesses pee—we pee champagne.” He put a finger to the dimple in his chin. “And we poop rainbows.” He winked at me—and disappeared.
    I glanced at Patrick. “He’s joking, right?”
    Patrick shrugged.
    “Oh, c’mon,” I said. “You cannot tell me that rainbows appear because gods are somewhere in the sky taking a shit.”
    “Why not?” asked Patrick. “Now, do you want to continue this conversation or—” He held out his hands and a